26 | Brian Billman: Humbled by the Dream Job

In 2015, I finally made it to what I thought was my dream job. That was when the wheels started to come off.

Like many people in the Northern Virginia area, I was very goal-oriented and career-driven. I knew the job I wanted, and I was willing to put in the work to achieve it. I didn’t realize it then, but my career actually meant such a great deal to me that I had much of my self-worth, confidence, and security tied up in succeeding at work and making it to a specific level of responsibility.

When I finally got the job I’d been wanting, I thought I had it made. Unfortunately, it turned into something very different. My career began to control my life. I was coming home late from work every night, missing dinner with my family. I started having panic attacks, waking up at 2:30 in the morning stressed out about going to work the next day, unable to fall back asleep. Sundays were the worst day of the week because in the back of my mind I knew Monday was coming.

I lost a lot of my confidence, and I felt like I had lost part of myself. I had put so much of my identity in my career that when it all started to fall apart, in a way, I didn’t even know who I was anymore.  

Within a short period of time, the Lord allowed a series of stressful situations to culminate, and through prayer from the men in my small group, and Kay’s encouragement, I was forced to consider switching jobs. I remember spending hours on my knees in prayer, asking God to take this away from me. My wife, Kay would leave Bible verses on the kitchen counter for me to read, knowing I would be up in the middle of the night. Yet during this time of anxiety and fear, the Lord provided a way out, humbled me, restored me, and renewed my mind.


There were so many unknowns that came with switching jobs. It forced me to put my complete trust in the Lord and step out in faith. Getting to that point in my career had been my dream, but now I see how God allowed me to come to the end of myself so I could refocus on Him. If you had asked me at the time, I would have said I was working hard to provide for my family; yet while that was true, the reality is that if we place our trust in God, He will provide.

Because of the way the Lord has worked in me, I now use my career as a way not only to provide for my family, but to serve and honor Him. My job is no longer what I live for, and I hope this story will resonate with people in a similar situation, especially in this part of the country. I know so many who are wrestling with the same thing, and it doesn’t have to be that way. God will provide, and Christ is enough!